Forever Your Virgin Suicide
by bloodtears-of-a-nekochild
Summary: Naruto has always been alone and with how he's treated it seems impossible for his luck to change until he gets a note from virgin suicide.It's sorta a Naruto version of the Virgin Suicides.I don't own Naruto ,Virgin Suicides or any songs that are used.
1. The Sun and the Moon

The sun shone brightly through the window. I winced at it and hid in the sheets of my bed. _Though I wasn't blinded by the sun anymore I could still feel its warmth. The house was quiet except for the noises of outside life. Compared to the outside world my house was a graveyard. No, it was worse than a graveyard ,even a graveyard has more life than this house_. I rolled to the other side of the bed and stuck my face out of the sheets to face the clock. The glowing red numbers read "8:49a.m.". I laid there for about 15 minutes deciding if it was worth getting up. I decided to go back to sleep when...**Grrrgul**...my stomach growls.

"I guess it's time to get up then" I sighed. Unraveling myself from the covers I'm again met by the ever annoying sun. Using my hand to block the light from hitting my eyes I walk to the window.

"Why can't the sun burn up and die? Why can't it just fall into darkness like everything else?". I took the black curtains and pulled them over the window.

"What the hell makes it so frickin special?". I closed my eyes and sighed. _These are just another of my idiotic ramblings. Giving human like prejudice to objects that don't have the slightest bit of animation or feeling. I don't know if I'm just that stubborn or stupid. It didn't matter._ I walked downstairs to the kitchen. _Cooking ramen was the only thing I really knew how to make and because of that simple fact it was practically the only thing I ate. The house was dark just the way I like it. Why in the hell did I even open the window upstairs. Oh I remember. It was the moon. Their was a full moon out last night. That's it I wanted to see the moon. It was beautiful against the black night. Unlike the sun the moon always seemed trapped. Forever trapped in darkness like me. The sun has never known the moon's pain. Just like nobody knows of mine. Because of the darkness that surrounds us ,they fear us and cluster around others who have never known darkness. Like the sun._

_Shit, I'm doing it again_. I shooked my head and sighed. That's when I heard the ramen boiling over. I rushed to turn it down. More than half the water had already boiled over the pot. _Oh well. That's what I get for zoneing out_. I finished making the ramen and silently ate it. After finishing I went up stairs to change clothes. I stared at the disgustingly orange jacket and pants I had to wear. _Being that I'm an orphan I have to take whatever they give me. No matter the price to my dignity._ I grumble a little as I put them on. I go to the bathroom and forced myself to stare at the hideous face reflected in the mirror. **Ugh. **I turn on the facet splashing the icy water to my face. Grabbing the nearest towel I quickly dry. Looking at the mirror again I see it was a waste of time. I still looked as bad as ever. Not even bothering to brush my hair I go out to the outside world. The brightness burning my eyes once more. _Will my battle with the sun ever end?_

I decided to just walk around town. I watch the children run around playing tag. Until of course they realize my presence and decide to move their little game elsewhere. _Though I'm not being kicked and called sickening names anymore ,their eyes still contain an unnatural hate for me. But that's just fine. I don't need their love or concern._ I stopped and watched one of the children fall and scrape his knee. Tears poured out faster than the blood could run down his knee. It wasn't anything serious just a minor flesh wound. But regardless the mother rushed to him as if to hear his dieing words. _This was love wasn't it. To worry careless about someone like that_. I laughed a little and continued walking. _How could I want something like that. Something so natural and petty._ I stopped again looking up into the sun. _Nothing was loved more than the sun. With it's terrible bright light and it's ditsy happiness why was it I wanted to be like it. To be loved by all with no knowing of sorrow. Why did I want someone so human?_ A tear slid down my cheek ,but I ignored it and continued my walk. _I know better than to shead tears for things that shall never be mine._

The next day my alarm goes off. Waking me from a good dream. _The sun had been shallowed by the moon and everyone had been in panic. I just sat on the rooftop watching their dismay. Yep definitely a good dream. Today was the day we would be put into groups of three to meet our sensei. Wonder what dopes I'll get stuck with._ I sit up and rub my eyes.

"I guess I better get ready" I sighed. I got dressed and went downstairs to attempt to make ramen again. This time without zoneing out. I am successful and proudly eat the ramen I didn't boil over. As I'm eating I try to recall the dream again. _A sun dead and a world in chaos._Just the thought brought a smile to my face. _But not all them were in dismay. I recall silhouette of someone standing behind the trees. Not watching the chaos in the streets ,but watching me. How come I didn't remember this before. Maybe my mind regard it as nothing of importance. And For all I know maybe it is ,but I still can't help wondering. Who was watching me? _I turned to see the clock. _Shit I got to go_. I inhaled the rest of the ramen and ran out the door.

The sun was again as blinding as ever. _As if mocking me and my irrational dream._ I got there just in time. Everyone was talking about how excited they were. I took a seat in a middle row. Watching everyone talk and giggle about pointless things. Two girls were arguing about who was more worthy of Sasuke. _Sasuke was a boy with raven hair and an aloof sense of being. He sat at the other end of the table ,leaving a seat between us. Girls always talked about how hott and awesome he is when the only thing they know about him is that his name is Sasuke._ The two girls doing the arguing were Ino and Sakura. _Ino was blonde and ditsy. Not to mention annoying. The other ,Sakura had pink hair and was extremely smart. Something I'm extremely not. And to tell the truth I sorta have a crush on her. I know its pointless to think that she could ever like me. Or even love me. I should know better than that. I can't be loved and even if I was it would be twisted. A twisted love of the beast and the harlot. How could I hope for something way beyond what I deserve. In any case even I succumb to such pathetic human emotions._ I turned to look at Sakura. _Her beautiful long hair. Its beautiful color like that of cherry blossoms which only made her name fit her ever more perfectly._ She turned to look at me and I quickly turn and hid my face as I blushed. Then Sakura turned back to Ino saying now how completely weird and annoying I was. _That's okay. Its better that you hate me anyway_. Iruka stepped into class and told everyone to get into a seat. Ino and Sakura ran past me fighting over who gets to sit next to Sasuke.

"Sakura and Ino quit fighting! Ino find another seat!" Iruka shouted. Ino grumbled and found another seat. Sakura stuck her tongue out at her in victory. Iruka started calling out the groups. After a while he called out my name. I was to be put in a group with my crush and my crush's crush. _Ironic isn't it. Course life always is._ After Iruka left and we all stayed to wait to meet our new sensei. Sakura went back to talking to Ino. Gloating about how she won by being in a team with Sasuke even if it meant being in a team with me too. I looked from Sakura to Sasuke who hadn't seemed to move an inch. _One of the most painful things in life is having the girl you like talk about the boy you wish you could be. _I fell asleep waiting for our sensei ,Kakashi to come. Sakura smacked me in the back of head to wake me up. I rubbed my eyes and stood up when I saw a note on the table with my name on it. I quickly stuffed it into my pocket and followed Sakura ,Sasuke and the man I'm guessing to be Kakashi.He had brillantly white hair and wore his headband so that it covered one eye like a pirate.My sensei the pirate ninja. This day just gets better and better. He took us to a random place in the village and then we all sat down. He started asking questions like "What do you like?" ,"What do you dislike?" and the ever popular "What is your goal in life?". Everyone's anwsers seemed vague and stupid. This is what it sounds like Sasuke doesn't like anything and his only point in life is to kill some special somebody. Sakura likes sasuke and dislikes me. Kakashi's name is Kakashi. Wow that says alot. So I countered with my own set of idioticly vague answers.

"I like ramen...I dislike the three minute wait for it to cook...and my goal in life was to become Hokage". This sent Sakura into a hysteria of laughter. Kakashi sighed and shook his head. Probably wishing he had nothing to do with this three some. I wouldn't really blame him.

"Okay well we'll meet here again tomorrow team. But don't have any breakfest." Kakashi said. Sakura stopped laughing and looked at Kakashi.

"Ummm sensei why not?" Sakura asked him.

"Ohhh you'll see when you come tomorrow". Kakashi started walking away. Leaving us three together. Sakura turned to Sasuke.

"So...ummm...Sasuke want to work on our teamwork...or something...". Sakura's face turned red. Patentic.

"No" was all Sasuke said before walking away in a different direction than Kakashi. I looked at Sakura's crushed face.

"Ohhh why did I have to sound so stupid...Grrrr..."Sakura mumbled before turning to me with a completely pissed face.

"What Do You Want!?!". I turned away and sighed.

"Nothing. I was just leaving". I decided to go home. I was tired of outside life. I went upsides and layed on my bed. thinking about everything that happened today I remembered the not I'd found. I went digging through my pockets until I found it. It wasn't anything special just a folded up piece of paper with "Naruto" written neatly on it. Who would anyone write me? Carefully I unfolded it and read its contents.

**_Hold your head up gorgrous_**

**_Because their are people that_**

**_Would KILL to see you fall_**

**_Don't give those that have never_**

**_Felt pain that satifaction_**

**_Message me ,my lost lover_**

**_Near the Chi river_**

**_Leave it under the rose thorns_**

**_So only my eyes may read it_**

**_Kill my loniness and_**

**_I'll be your virgin suicide_**

**_signed: Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

_I must have read it a million times. It was beautiful and strange. Who was this "virgin suicide"? Why did she love me? Or at least why did she write that. It didn't make sense. One thing was for sure. If I wanted to find ou who this person was I would have to write back. I knew exactly where the Chi river was so that wouldn't be a problem. But how do I go about replying to a message like that_. I sighed it was getting dark out already. I went to the window and opened the curtains. The moon was just slightly less full ,but regardless never lost an ounce of it's loveliness. _Who ever this person was I bet you anything that she was looking at the moon. Thinking about it the same way I did. Only people who have felt pain can truely appreciate it's gothic nature._

"Goodnight my virgin suicide" and with that I closed the curtain.


	2. Devil's Blood

My alarm clock went off. I slammed on the snooze button before rubbing my eyes and stretching. I get up and go to the bathroom starting the shower. I then undress from yesterday's attire and hop in. Burning myself cause I was too stupid to turn on the cold water. _If anything it sure woke me up. I only got a couple hours of sleep. The consent thought of my mystery writer kept me up. This hasn't been the first time it's happened. I'm almost always losing sleep over complicating thoughts. As well as zoneing out. Right now I was just trying to concentrate on getting ready for whatever that man had planned with us. Strange he had told us not to eat. I wonder if he planned to take us out for breakfast. Nahhh. He didn't seem that nice._ Sighing I finished my shower. _Guess I'll just have to wait and see_. I got dressed and headed out.

Before going to our meet place I had to take care of something. The Chi river wasn't to far from my house.The river's real name is the Noki river ,but after the battle of the Nine Tailed Fox happened it was nicknamed the Chi river. Chi ,meaning blood in English ,because many of those that died in that battled ended up in that river and stained its water red from all the blood. Even though its not stained anymore that nickname has still been forced upon this river._ An appropriate place for me don't ya think. The Nine Tailed Fox who had killed many people ,now lives within my body. And though I was supposed to regarded as a hero for it ,people could never see it that way. Instead of seeing me as the one who stopped the beast ,I am the beast. To them that's all I'll ever be._ There was one rose bush near the river. Or its supposed to be a rose bush ,but from what I could see their had never been even a single bud on that bush. Just thorns. But it was the only bush virgin suicide could have been talking about. So I left my reply under all the thorns. Making sure it couldn't fly away. Then headed off to meet the team.

When I got there Sakura was already waiting with Sasuke. _Thankful she was too tired to start drooling over Sasuke_. I just sat down on a nearby stump and started thinking about the reply I had just sent to my virgin suicide.

**_Hello virgin suicide. You know me ,but I have yet to know who you are. Whats your name? Why did you want to write to me? and Why are you "forever my virgin suicide"? This doesn't make sense. Please tell me more. _**

**_signed Naruto _**

It wasn't much ,but really how can you reply to that message any other way. I almost fell asleep waiting for Kakashi to come. He told us that he was busy strolling of the path of life. _Fucking asshole!_ Then he told us to try and take some stupid little bells. And well lets say it was definitely not my day. The bell lesson was suppose to teach us teamwork ,but thats exactly why it made things go from bad to worse for me. Sakura did attempt to share her lunch with me. But just so Sasuke wouldn't have too. And the only reason he attempted to share his lunch with me was so we could get the stupid freakin bells. And by attempting to share lunch with me was the key to winning the mission. _Weird much._ So anyway that was my first mission. Walking back home I decided to check the bush to see if my reply was still there. I figured the bush would probably be empty and that who ever had wrote it would be reading it right now. However thats not what happened. Their was virgin suicide's reply right there in the bush. _Man that was fast_. I bent down to try and untangle it from the thorns. One of the thorns stabbed me. A little trickle of blood dripped down my hand. _Oh well its just a small cut. _After I saved it from the thorns I sat down in the grass and read it. And it read...

**_Dear Naruto,_**

**_Names are just labels we are made to wear. Our true names our the ones we choose for ourselves. I call myself Virgin Suicide but you can just call me Virgin or VS or something of that nature. I wanted to write you because your eyes are like mine. Their filled with such loneliness and pain. And I'm sorry ,but want to cling to that. To the thought that maybe I'm not alone. And because of that I'll always be your virgin suicide. But if I am wrong then I guess I let my fantasies get the best of me. But I'm not wrong am I? Does that answer your questions well enough._**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

Whoever this was they certainly had a way for words. I went home and started writing a reply.

**_Okay then I no longer want you to call me Naruto. My name is Devil's Blood. Blood or DB for short. So Virgin what other hobbies do you have besides writing to random people? _**

**_signed Devil's Blood_**

After signing it I ran to the thorn bush and hid the note. It didn't even seem like I had been in the house for more than 5 minutes. My mind was racing at the thought of my mysterious writer. Going back home I did whatever I could to keep my mind off her. Guessing it was a her. I tried resting on my bed and turning on some music to distract my mind.

Say farewell to the dark of night

I see the coming of the sun

I feel like a child ,whose life has just begun

You came breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine

You threw out the lifeline

Just in the nick of...

_Okay next._ I turned it to another station hopeing this one would be better.

Cause you know

You know ,you know

That I love you

I loved you all along

And I...

_Next._ I switched it to yet another station.

One more night i wanna be with you

Where I would hold ya tight

It feels so...

_NEXT!_

I don't wanna runaway ,but I can't take it I don't understand

If I'm not made for you why does my heart tell me that I am

_Grrrr... _I start banging my head into the wall.

Is there any way I can stay in your arms

_Maybe if my lucky I'll hit my head enough times on this wall to give myself a concussion._

If I don't need you than why am I crying on my bed

If I don't need you than why does your name resound in my head

_Dammit it's not working._ I stop banging my head and just stare angrily at the radio.

If your not for me why does this distance maim my life

If your not for me why do I dream of you as my wife

I don't know why your so far away

But I know that...

I sigh and turn off the radio. No use starting a fight with an inanimate object again. In any case Virgin definitely had my curiosity. And had my hopes up which I should know better than that. Getting your hopes up just make them crash around you harder when you find them to be false. _But it could be possible. Right? I mean maybe their could be someone like me. Someone who could like me. Love me even. Right?_ The next day's mission seemed like a blur to me. I think it had to do with finding some lady's cat. I could still feel the scratches to my face and hands from that fucking thing. But that didn't really matter to me. The only thing that did matter to me was getting to read her reply. I ran straight to the thorny roseless bush. Grabbing it ruthlessly out of its thorn. Which only gave me more scratches on my hands. It read...

**_Okay then Blood it is. And don't think I write to just anyone. I only write to those worthy of my time. If you don't think you are then I'll stop. _**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

And to that I replyed...

**_Well Virgin I can't say that I am worthy of your time ,but I don't want to stop writing you. So I'll let you decide if I'm worthy or not. So how many people do you consider worthy of your time ,Virgin?_**

**_signed Devil's Blood_**

The next day I woke up early and decided to check to see if she had replyd yet. Racing to the bush. _Our bush_. And there it was. It read...

**_Only you._**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

Already with paper and pen in hand I wrote her a reply.

**_Your very odd to consider me worthy or even your lost love. But if thats how you decide to see it then let's do this right. I ,Devil's Blood , shall forever be your lost lover till death do us part._**

**_signed Forever Your Devil's Blood_**

The mission for the today was only to weed some old lady's garden. I was so zoned I didn't realize I was pulling out herbs instead of weeds. I got the usually treatment of them calling me an idiot. _I don't care. I've heard it all before. But for once in my life I've found someone who doesn't think that. Someone who actually thinks I'm worth their time. Someone who doesn't fear the darkness that surrounds me._

**_Very well then. I ,Virgin Suicide , accept your offer and plegde to forever be your lover. A promise that even death will not part us. Though the chaos of everyday life. Though the darkness of my own heart. I am yours forevermore._**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

* * *

Songs played as follows:

Back to One by Brain McKinley

Far Away by Nickelback

One More Night by Cascada

If Your Not The One by David Bedingfield

Sorry ,but I just thought I should give credit to those who legally own the songs.


	3. Gone Without You

What happened during missions seems like just a blur. Nothing that happened in them really matter to me. All that matter were the notes me and my lover passed to each other.

**_So Virgin since we're "lovers" now. Do you think I could ever meet you in person?_**

**_signed Forever Your Devil's Blood_**

_**X**_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_**X**_

**_Someday my love just be patient._**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

We would just talk about endless things or what seemed like nothing at all.

**_Random question #14 What would you rather be heartless or alone?_**

**_signed Forever Your Devil's Blood_**

_**X**_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_**X**_

**_Alone like I am currently ,but sometimes I think I rather be heartless just so it wouldn't hurt so much. I'm terrible for ever wanting it. Can you love someone who wants something so terrible?_**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

As long as we were "together...

**_Yes it's a terrible wish ,but that doesn't make you terrible it makes you human. To be human is to greed for irrational things ,but to be human is to be real and alive. Though it's a terrible want cherish it. For it makes you human. And you don't have to be alone anymore. I'm always here for you._**

**_signed Forever Your Devil's Blood_**

...nothing else matter.

**_Thank you._**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

Sometimes we just copied song lyrics.

**_Have you ever loved someone and givin your all for_**

**_Not the expression _**

**_No, literally givin all for_**

**_When you know their your heart_**

**_And that your their armor_**

**_And you'd destroy anyone_**

**_Who'd try to harm'em_**

**_What happens when karma turns around and bites you_**

**_And everything you stand for _**

**_Turns on you ,despite you_**

**_What happens when you become the main source of their pain_**

**_Signed Forever Your Devil's Blood_**

_**X**_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_**X**_

**_How can I pretend I don't see_**

**_What you hide so carelessly_**

**_I saw her bleed_**

**_You heard me breath_**

**_And I froze inside myself_**

**_And turned away_**

**_I must be dreaming_**

**_signed Forever Your Virgin Suicide_**

She was different from everyone else. And even though I technically fell in love with a stranger. I felt as if I known her for all my life. _Do I have the right to love? No love from something like me would be...twisted. Maybe it's best if I never see her. Then she won't have to know she's in love with a monster. _I held the most recent note tight in my hands. I was sitting on my bed. The room engulfed in darkness except for one single lamp. I sighed and started writing a reply telling her I had to leave tomorrow. We had to protect a bridge builder. It was going to be our first "real" mission.

That morning I took the note to our bush before heading out to find Kakashi and the rest of the team. I had to admit I was hopeing for a mission with a little more action ,but you got to take what you get. I found Sakura and Sasuke as they were waiting near the entrance into the village. Kakashi was late as usually ,but only by 20 minutes. Which for him is surprising. With him was an old man I presumed to be the bridge builder. It was pretty obvious that he disproved of such youthful protection. But without wait we all headed off. Little did we know protecting this older than dirt man would almost cost us our lives.

On our way to our destination we were attack by Zabuza. In Zabuza's youth he had killed many of his own friends for the title of ninja. As it was the old way to test if they were ready. Most villages no longer use such barbaric techniques to test if they are ready. In any case the bridge builder had lied about how much protection he needed. Most of the battle was Kakashi against Zabuza until that rogue ninja trapped Kakashi in what looked like a giant water ball. Thats when an idea popped in my head. I used the clone jusus to distract him while I transformed into a windmill shruikin. I used a clone to make it look like it was being grabbed out of my backpack. And had that clone toss me to Sasuke. To my luck Sasuke caught on. First Sasuke threw a real one at Zabuza. Zabuza caught it in his open hand and laughed. Shortly after throwing the first one he threw "me" at Zabuza. He had no choice but to jump so it wouldn't hit him. He laughed again at our effort. But he didn't notice that the windmill shruikin was me. When I transformed back he had but a moment to move as I threw a kunai at him. Forcing him to release Kakashi from his watery prison. Kakashi used his precious sharigan eye to try and defeat Zabuza. But in the end a boy wearing a mask shot needles into Zabuza's neck. Ending his life. Kakashi explained to us that their our certain ninja who's are in a sense bounty hunters. When a shinobi of their village turns rogue they are sent to dispose of them. Not so much for the weaker ones though. After explaining this out to us he just passed out. So we were forced to carry him to the bridge builder's house.

The bridge builder lived in a small house with his daughter and grandson. Their wans't much room for us ,but it was better than nothing. This whole place was small and poor. It was a sad site. If I had a heart I might shed a tear for this place ,but as it would seem I have none. _It bothers me sometimes. I feel like I should care. Why is it that my feelings are so numb to everything?_ Kakashi woke up an hour or two later. His body still sore from his match with Zabuza. When me and the team were told of his awaking we all came to see him. He looked a bit zoned. Stuck in thought maybe.

"Kakashi sensi, how are you feeling?" said Sakura. Startled but brought back to reality Kakashi turned to face her.

"Oh I'm fine. Just a little wore out." he smiled. Or so I think it's hard to tell. Sakura sighed a little in relief.

"Well that's what ya get for being such a show off." Sasuke replied. I don't think Kakashi heard him those. He was once again deep in thought.

"There's one thing I don't get." Kakashi mumbled. Sakura looked a little worried.

"What don't you understand" she asked. Kakashi slowly lifted himself so that he was now sitting up.

"He should have disposed of the body right then and there. Why did take the body somewhere?...unless..." Kakashi face turned grave.

"Zabuza's not dead." Kakashi said breaking about ten minutes of silence.

"What do you mean? He was killed. We all saw it. That boy in the mask he killed him" Sakura sounded a bit frantic. Kakashi sighed and at that Sakura was silent.

"That means that boy was there to save him. His mask was probably just something they stole to help make a convincing alibi." said Sasuke. Kakashi nodded.

"Right ,but at the moment theres not much we can really do except train so we'll be ready when he shows up again".

* * *

Song lyrics were:

When I'm Gone by Eminem

I Must Be Dreaming by Evanescence

* * *

im sry that this chap is sooo short but i just wanted to get it posted. i know my stuff isnt totally acurate to the book but im doing this based on memory and besides this is my fanfic and it can be a little distorted. anyway thank you for reading! 


	4. It Doesn't Matter

For the next couple days we trained our asses off. Kakashi was still sore from the fight so he had been put on crutches. Still he was able to teach us to use our chakra to be able to walk up trees. Literally. My first attempt failed horribly. Apparently I wasn't using enough chakra to get a hold. Sasuke on the other hand used to much and it was as if the tree itself repeled him. Sakura having the most control over her chakra was able to go to the very top of the tree. She smiled at her accomplishment. She looked incredably beautiful in its branches. I was a little jealous that she had got it down pat on the first try ,but in truth I shouldn't be surprised. She was always number one in the class. She even knew the ninja rules by heart. Kakashi smiled at her and told me and sasuke to keep trying. After which he left and it was just us three. Soon it became almost a contest between me and Sasuke. Each of us watching the other's progress. We were tied for most of it. Eventually neither of us was getting any farther. I looked up at the sky. We must have been out there for hours. I was both tired and hungry but I didn't want to stop. I looked over at Sakura. She was exhausted ,but she was the only one who really understood the exercise. _Come on you can do this_. I slowly walked over to Sakura.

"Ummmm...Sakura.." I mummbled. She turned and gave me a surprised expression.

"Naruto...What do you want?". I think I might of blushed a little.

"Ummm...I wondering if you could help me...I mean with the whole tree walking thing". I tried to avoid eye contract. I was afraid of the look in her eyes. But she smiled a little.

"Okay but I'm only saying this once understand" she tried to sound demanding. She describe to me how exactly I gain control of y chakra. It very complicated ,but I for the most part understood it. I tried again this time doubling in distance. Still I wasn't very good ,but with Sakura's advice I did get much further. Soon we were called in to get something to eat. And let me tell you I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating. Even eating became a contest for me and Sasuke. At first I kinda found it annoying how I felt I had to be better. I never care before. Why start now. And yet he was the closest thing I had to a real friend. _What about Virgin?_ The truth is our love may just be a lie. I have no proof of her. Not really. I want her to be real. So much ,but I might just be hurting myself with this relationship I have with a total stranger. I just couldn't be sure.

We ate so fast we practily puked it all back up. Sakura scolded us but it was no use. We were way too determented. I didn't really pay attention to what everyone was talking about ,but all of the sudden the bridge builder's grandson lost it.

"Why do you even try? It doesn't matter what you do its not going to work! Just give up! It doesn't matter how hard you try! Your just going to get yourself killed!" he screamed. That just pissed me off. That little brat thinking things are pointless. They can't be pointless. _They just can't. If this mission is pointless...If what we're doing is pointless...then why...why am I here...if everything is pointless...what does that make me?_

"Are you done spouting that garbage ,you little brat. Who are you to say whats pointless and whats not! Who are you to say that! Your so much of a fucking crybaby! The world's not how you like so you just sit there on your ass and judge others who stand up and fight! Who ar trying to change the world! To make it fucking better for lazy asses like you!". My whole body just trembled with rage. Sakura had said something to me ,but I couldn't make it out. I was too angry. So I went outside to the trees where we were training earlier.

For hours I trained. Even after he anger left me I kept at it. When I finally sat down and took a break thats when I realize how clear the night was. The moon which was but a fraction of its full beauty ,but never the less was beautiful. I sat down and just stared at it. Then the guilt hit me. _He was just a kid. I mean he was a brat ,but why...why was it that what he said hurt so much? Maybe cause being a ninja is all I have. Maybe its cause its the only thing I can do to make a difference. Or maybe it's not that at all...maybe what you really want is to be needed...if what your doing is pointless it only makes you unnessary...you being here or anywhere is unnessary...your not needed in this world._ The words hit harder than I thought. It wasn't the boy that pissed me off. I was pissed because what he said was the only truth I had ever known. _Knowing that no matter how hard I tried it didn't change things. I wanted someone to praise me. To want to be with me. I wanted someone who would cry for me when I'm hurt and worry about me when I'm gone. For someone to need me. This life this existence of watching everyone else...have the happiness...that I could never have...they didn't have to do anything,but be themselves...and they were loved. I tried so...so hard...and they still...they still...look at me with hate._ _Being me...its not...its not enough...not for them...not for anyone_. Before I knew it there were tears in my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. I felt tired and cold ,but I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to have to face them right now. So on the cold ground I fell asleep.

All of a sudden a voice woke me up.

"Your going to catch a cold sleeping on the ground".


	5. A Boy as Pure as Snow

I looked up to this strange ,but very cute girl. She had long black hair and these sweet ,innocent eyes.

"What a young by like you sleping out here?" she asked.

"I was training". _And working off some irrational anger_. She smiled at me which made me blush a little. I'm a sucker for a cute girl. Or some kind attention.

"Well ,since your here would you like to help me pick some herbs?"

"Sure." I said with a smile and got up a little too fast and almost fell back down. She laughed.

"How hard did you train?" she asked.

"...Too much I guess". She looked up and grabbed an apple from the nearest branch.

"Eat this and maybe you won't feel so disty". I ate the apple as we walked to a spot that I'm guesing had the herb needed. We talked and laughed a we starting picking them. It felt really nice to be with someone a have nice conversation. It's something normal people do all the time and never realize how much of a luxury even something that simple is. It made me feel alot better after my outburst with the boy. After a while she asked me who i was training so hard for. I told her it wasn't a who ,but respect. Then she looked down and said "If you had someone in your life who did more than that...who acknowledged your existence - even cared for you - wouldn't that person become the most important...treasured...person in your life". This stuck me in sad way ,but as always i pulled on a dumb smile. Then I turned and told her "I haven't found someone worth that yet". An awkward silence lasted for about ten minutes then she got up and said she had what she needed. She started to walk away then turned to say "by the way i'm a guy".

I returned to the team just in time for more tree climbing training(well for me and Sasuke. Sakura got a break for the day). _Oh goodie. _As we started climbing trees again which was actually easy to do even with my lack of energy I thought about what she(or he) said. "_If you had someone in your life who did more than that...who acknowledged your existence - even cared for you - wouldn't that person become the most important...treasured...person in your life". _Someone who cared. To me that seemed more like the stupid fairy tales that are told to children. A happy ending we spend a lifetime to find and in the end die knowing it never existed. Virgin does care tho. Or at least enough to write to me. I guess that's the closest I'd ever get. Wonder what she's doing right now? Hope it's more entertaining than tree climbing. After tree climbing I was even more exhausted ,but Kakashi said we were done and would all guard the drunk tomorrow.

I woke up to see that they left without me. The drunk's daughter told me the wanted me to get some rest ,but I think it was just an excuse. I hurried into some fresh clothes and tried to go meet them. When I was jumping through the trees I noticed a boar laying all bloody on the ground. I went down to check it out. It seemed strange. The boar had been cut man times with a sword ,but not for any reason besides fun or maybe testing the blade's sharpness. I didn't like the feeling I got. So I decided to go back to the house. And it was a good thing too. Two guys had her with a blade out to threaten the boy. To my surprise that brat was actually standing up to them. Even after he had told me how stupid something like that was. The smaller of these two thugs had had enough of this boy and was about to strike. So I used subsitution and grabbed the boy before they even had a chance to blink. Hell before they even knew it I had them all tied up with a bow on top and turned them black and blue. The boy teared up a little. I smiled and told him I was proud. That just made him tear up more ,but in a good way.

Now I had to get back to the team. And to tell you the truth I was really happy. Felt like nothing could ruin this. I found the team as well as another meeting of Zabuza and his mysterious companion. Sakura stood guarding the bridgebuilder. Sasuke was in some mirror trap that the masked boy had created and Kakashi and Zabuza were sorta watching. Like it was a my student's better than yours compatition. I decided that for the fun of I'd make an enterance. This brought laughs and sighs ,but i didn't care. And even tho it probably would have been easier to help Sasuke from the outside. I wanted a little more of a challege. I guess happiness brings cockyness. This brought more sighs and frustrated comments from team mates. And after I went inside the mirror fortress did I also realize the I made a mistake.

The mirrors made it impossible to know where exactly the boy was and his random needle attacks were impossible to counter. I tried using clones ,but it didn't work. They boy was just too fast. Before I knew it I was worn down. Another needle attack would end me. And to my surprise as that needle attack came to end me Sasuke took the blow. He fell besided me covered in those needles.

"Why did you do that?...Why?" I couldn't...I couldn't make sense of it. He hated me. So why would he save me? Why? This boy was bleeding. Dying because of me.

"I...don't know...my body just moved on...it's own...I...I failed I didn't get my revenge...because I saved an idiot like you". With that he died. Even in death he calls me an idiot ,but that didn't matter. Obvious he did care about me. Even if he himself didn't realize that. I now realized that he was my friend. Maybe not the kind who'd say so or who'd pat you on the back if you did a good job. but he was my friend and I was such an idiot not to see that. Looking at him I felt an anger I'd never felt before.

"I'm going to kill you".It was like I was engulfed in an orange fire. I laid Sasuke's body down. And became a raging savage creature who would make this asshole pay. I knew exactly where he was and with one solid punch brought himt the ground. the mirrors melted away and the mask he wore was broken. I was going for another punch ,but once my fist was an inch from his face I saw who was under the mask.

That boy. The one I talked with. Laughed with. That boy who was innocent and easily mistaken for a girl was this boy who had killed Sasuke. I didn't know what to do. I just froze as those eyes stared into mine.

"Aren't you going to kill me?" he asked. I didn't move. No...I couldn't move.

"Are you not going to take revenge on me...even after I killed your friend" he asked again.

"I...I...don't...". I started shaking as I spoke.

"Do it...Make me pay...I've lost...So end me" he shouted. I punched him again tho it was pathetic. He wiped some blood from his lip.

"Where did that strength you had before go?...Are you going to let his death be in vain like that?..." he replied annoyed. I closed my eyes and punched him again. This one wasn't any more powerful than the one before it.

"Whats wrong?...Why won't you end me?" He asked slighty shouting again.

"Why...I don't understand." I finally replied still shaking. He sighed and calmed a bit.

"A...happy family. _"we're a happy family haku. your father and mother both love you very much ,haku"._ Thats what they always told me. At the time people with special bloodlines were killed. There was lots of chaos and sadness ,but we were different. The outside world had nothing to do with us. We were always having fun and smiling. It was just like we were inside a play. Until one day I learned I could control water and ice. I was very happy with this talent and showed my parents thinking they'd love it too. But just like that the play ended. Father got very angry. _"I'm sorry papa ,I'm sorry_" At first he just beat my mother. Called her names like "whore" and "bitch". Then mother would beat me. I'll never forget that feeling. Wondering each morning if they were in a good mood or still hated me. I told myself I'd wait until it passed. Like a stone without feeling. Until the day father would forgive us. Till they both forgave me. You will forgive me won't you? We can go back to the way things were can't we? Before too long my father killed my mother and tried to kill me too. Before I knew it the ice power that caused this terror saved me from my father. But then I had no where to go. I was alone. Completely and utterly alone. Until Zabuza offered me a life even knowing my ablity. He praised me for that ability and even tho I was to be just a tool it was the happiest feeling I had ever had. And because of that I will protect him with my life. I will let him do what he wants with me. That is why I fight.".

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked him. He looked at me and smiled a little.

"You try to act like your happy ,but your not...I can see the saddness in your eyes...I do not know your story ,but it has caused you great pain as has mine...I know it's hard ,but you must kill me...for your friend". He walked up to me and placed a kunai in my hand.

"Do it" he said. I was going to kill him. I closed my eyes and went for the plunge ,but he grabbed my arm and suddenly made quick hand signs.

"My appogizes ,but I can't let him die" and like that he was gone. I turned and saw where he ended up. Kakashi 's arm was through him. He died for Zabuza. I don't know too much about what was happening in Kakashi's and Zabuza's fight. But it wasn't too long that a short man with an army of thugs behind him showed up. They fired Zabuza so now we were on the same team. Zabuza's arms had been disabled ,but regardless he flew through that crowd. They stabbed him over and over ,but he didn't stop. with just a kunai in his mouth he beheaded the short man. We still had an army of thugs to deal with tho as luck had it the brat had the townspeoples in mob form. It wasn't really needed because I was able to beat them with my clone justu. I don't remember that too much either. Sakura was over Sasuke's body sobbing when suddenly we had heard a cough. Sasuke was alive.

"Haku couldn't kill him" Zabuza smiled as he said it. I was went to him and teared a little. It was true he was alive. Sasuke pushed me aside after he slowly got up and called me a loser. I walked back to Haku's body. My eyes watered even more. It started to snow. Rare for this area tho that didn't phase me at the time.

"He was as pure as snow".


End file.
